My Mind is Frozen

My mind, frozen and unable to come up with what's next.
How can this be my world?
One that was so clear, but is now so unsure.

I know what to do, but what do I want? 
What is there to look forward to in the near future.
There is a sense of confusion whirling, swirling,
a moment of joy, followed by sadness.

I feel like a tree blowing around and now moving anywhere far,
and my mind is frozen.

Written 2022

Best

Silence surrounds me like a comfy blanket. 
No words are needed in this moment
to have understanding between two people.
Completed thoughts and conversations come and go,
but that’s OK because words aren’t always needed.

 The company I share the room with
makes me feel safe and welcome
the feeling hits me like a rock hits a window,
shattering it to pieces.

My pieces are bricks
in the wall I’ve been building all my life
to keep me safe.
Relief feels warm in my soul
like the love I feel for the ones I love.

To feel truly understood is like learning to walk,
something new yet exciting
that can help me move and grow.

My mind stops racing 
and feels calm.
In that moment
I know that things will be OK.

I have a bright light in my life
 and that light is you.

Overload

My mind is numb
I feel my heart thumping in my chest
I feel my head pounding in accordance
My body is finally relaxing.

Im overwhelmed with so many emotions,
My body screams at me to release it,
No escape comes, and i sit with the knowledge that i don't know how to go on.

Music is my release, but not this time,
My mind is like an overflowing drawer with things without a place. There is no escape from the chaos, from the reality of what is now.

A Quiet Mind

My mind is quiet while the room around me screams,  people talking and babies crying, legos clinking and the tv singing a song to its toddler audience .

My mind is quiet with thoughts of the past, the smiles and the laughs, the songs and the stories.

My mind is quiet thinking of how much i could use a hug to make things seem so much better, to take some stress away.

My mind is quietly calming me down,  preparing me to go with the flow and work as hard as i can. 

My mind is quiet with thoughts of what i can do to make you proud, to keep the boat afloat.

My mind is quiet until someone says "can you grab this for me in a medium" and i snap out of my mind and smile and stand tall and walk with my head up all the while still thinking of how much i miss you.

In the Air

6/28/17

Heat,  i can handle,
Humidity,  not so much
My curls frizz,
I look like a different person.

My lungs fill with the damp air
I feel the struggle to breathe,
The fear of suffocating in the back of my mind.

I can feel the dampness
In the classroom around me,
The tables sticky
and the paper feels different,
Soft and wet in texture.
I'm cold yet sweaty,
it's not a fever,
it's the humidity that surrounds me. 

I wait for the rain to come-
Hopefully taking the humidity away
With each drop off rain that falls.
If only.

Him

July 2017

Simple seeds spread joy,
Flowers bloom as Spring-
Warms the chilled ground.
Rain falling from the damp clouds,
like tears falling from my eyes,
Steady yet soothing.

The Sun beating on my skin
feels like home, when I was
young- when life was sweet
like honey in my bedtime tea.
I miss those dark eyes- saying
I love you and good night.

Another World

7/19/17

Reading calms my mind,
Soothes my soul,
Takes me to another world,
Helps me escape my reality,
the one that mentally drains me and makes it hard to be.
Let me escape until I find a place I love and I can stay for evermore.